Some Dreams

This was just a dream but felt so real..

                     

     We're in front of a shoe store. it was my friend's. at first, we were just sitting on a kinda balcony in front of the store, me, him, my friend, and some people that I didn't recognize( maybe they're my friend's friends). But then I said that I wanted to look around the store so my friend who was the owner, he led my way. I asked my friend about some shoes that made me interested, about the price and etc. And then I saw something was going on outside, where he and some people were talking, a girl and some of her friends came to him, she immediately held his hand, and said something to him with a very happy smile. He responded the same way, smiled at her while answering her. I could see them clearly inside the store but they couldn't because I saw them through a very huge shoe cabinet in that store. she was beautiful with very bright skin, she wore short sleeves blue blouse above her knees, white sneakers, her hair was straight, long and black. and she wore a nice little bag with a long strap on her left shoulder. 

     About a few minutes, I was still staring at them, my friend beside me who was explaining about the shoes didn't even realize what was going on. Suddenly, there was a song's played by someone, I didn't recognize the song but the girl outside did, she said to him about that song, I clearly could hear what she said. "oh my god, remember? this is our song, what a coincidence" then she pulled up his hand and she started dancing like a princess by turning around her body under their hands. My heart was hurt so bad, my eyes were burning with tears but I held it as hard as possible cause I didn't wanna cry. 

      Eventually, my friend realized what was happening, his facial expression changed. I could see anger on both eyes. He immediately wanted to go out and said something to him, but I held him "please don't, please, please, let them be" he heard me, then he hugs me so tight, I cried between his arms. 

     that's all I can remember! 

              A noonmare   

     it was super abstract at first, I was ready for a party at noon somewhere. I had changed my clothes to a black dress. I sat on a long chair waiting something that I didn't know. And all of a sudden, I saw him, very close, literally only a few meters in front of me. he was standing But he wasn't alone, he talked to some friends. it wasn't clear how many people there but I only noticed a girl. She was talking to him. they seemed to enjoy that conversation. I knew her, she was my friend I mean not really but I just knew her. I know the fact that he noticed me as well but he just pretended that he didn't. I just didn't understand at that time cause he hadn't text me all day long, and now he was here talking with another girl. And then, a second later, something that was very unpredictable happened in front of me. I saw him carrying her on his back, they both seemed so happy. my heart was just beating so fast. but I chose to pretend that I didn't see it. I looked down on the ground. but then he came close to me, and now he was standing right in front of me and still carrying the girl. I just thought, " wtf is this? what does he mean?" I just almost dropped my tears. I held it so hard, but then a second later I couldn't take it so I ran from them before he had a chance to say something. I kept running and once I looked back and I just realized that he never chased me.

     

      

Sleeping in Pain

INTRO: Well, I have no words this time for the intro, so I just hope that y'all will enjoy this one and have a very blessed day everyone :)

 I hate this feeling. I fucking hate it. It hurts so bad. I can't handle it. I don't know what to do, it's just like I'm walking through a maze and I have no clue to get the hell out of it. My chest feels so heavy, I can barely breathe. My eyes can't hold a big amount of tears that come out and drop on my cheeks. I'm crying in silence.
      I'm lying on my bed again this night, midnight exactly. With my both eyes wide open and my sweaty forehead. I hold my hands so hard that my nails even cut my own skin, but it doesn't feel hurt at all. I hit my head against the wall a few times, it feels nothing. It doesn't redeem even a little bit of the pain inside my body. I don't know exactly where it is tho. The pain. Is it inside my heart? My mind? or in every inch of my body? But the thing is, it hurts so bad!
     I feel numb physically, but not my soul. I feel like someone has stabbed me with a very keen sword right in my chest that my own soul even betrays me by trying to escape from my body because she can't take the pain as well. The sword pierces right in my heart through my bones and ends up on my back. There's no blood at all but the pain is real, I can't describe it. Too painful that it makes my body feel nothing but it. It doesn't kill my heart, it makes my heart beats even faster. I just want it to stop even for a second but it just more and more hurtful every second. If it can't stop then please let my heart dies, I'm fine to be heartless, but it can't kill my heart cause it just wanna torture me.
     How long will this keep going? Because I feel like it's endless. Waking up in the middle of the night, very dark, screaming because I'm too scared with my own dream. the dream about losing you. It was actually a good dream, we held each other hands and did things that we love together. But because of that, last time I dreamed about someone in that way, he immediately left me. I'm afraid it will happen again this time. Because with him, I still could pull the sword from my chest, but with you, my soul will come out as well while I pull it out. So, I have no life to live, everything will be tasteless.
      I force myself to close my eyes, it is unbelievably hard, but I have to, I have to fight this feeling cause I don't wanna lose myself again. I try to sleep with my right hands holding my knees and another one holding my head. With my mind which is still playing the possibility scenes of losing you. I can't stop it, but finally, I fall asleep because I'm too tired of it. I'm sleeping in pain!
    
       
    

Just My Thought :)

     Did you ever think that life is so unpredictable? I did. And it is. Every day is just another surprise. Nobody told me that I could actually move from a very small village to the city when I was 7 years old. I thought I would spend my whole entire life there. But I could. And no one told me before that I was pretty good at math in elementary school, but then suddenly when I was in middle school I'm very bad at math, still actually, until today. And I never thought that I was that happy when I got my first ever bike. Then no one knew that my first bike will give me so many scars on my legs and arms.
     Love is probably the biggest part of life, and it is super unpredictable. It can give you heartbreak but also it can give you a feeling that you haven't ever imagined before, it just feels so good. When I first ever had a crush, I felt like I was in the next level of happiness. I thought to have a bike was the happiest moment in my life, but it wasn't. I was in 3rd grade at that time, he was in 4th grade, he was my neighbor, we saw each other a lot, almost every day. He always found a way to talk to me all the time, he said that he likes me. Of course, we weren't dating cause we were just kids, but we were good friends. But like I said, love is unpredictable, time past by, we grew up and we became strangers for each other. I met him once at that time but he didn't say a word, neither did I. That's funny, right? how everything changes!
      I used to think that my life will be okay all the time. I never imagined that I will feel depressed in my life. Of course, you don't know what am I talking about, right? so let me tell you a bit. It took me 17years to love myself physically, cause I used to feel insecure about my appearance, but finally I do now. But mentally? I don't think so, about 4months ago, when I went back to my hometown, I felt so depressed, I can't even sleep before 2am in the morning, it wasn't like me at all I regularly sleep before 00.00. Every time I close my eyes, my brain couldn't stop working. It played scenes from my past, it kinda reminds me that I should feel sorry about myself that I never did good jobs and my life doesn't even matter. sometimes it is about future, same, it scared the hell outta me. I started to cry a lot at that time. But thank God, I'm okay now.
     so random, right? I don't give a damn. Pardon my messy grammar. Peace out!
 

Review: MakeOver Hi-Matte Lipstick

    INTRO :
     Welcome back to my other content. I don't know guys, since the beginning, I've posted random things. well I know, that is kinda irrelevant. But who's care? I just want to post what I love, that's why I named this blog MY THOUGHTS, right? ok2, let stop this nonsense and just jump right into the main point!


     About probably 4 months ago, I was looking for a matte lipstick. obviously, because matte lipstick is really popular right now. so, I'm finally able to save some money to buy a lipstick. But I realize that the money that I've saved obviously wasn't enough to buy an expensive lipstick, because I'm just a college student who doesn't even work yet. so, I couldn't just spend my parent's money for example for kylie Jenner liquid matte lipstick. From there, I started to search matte lipstick that has a standard price for me, and finally, I ended up my search on MakeOver Hi-Matte lipstick. Then, the next day, I went to the nearest MakeOver counter from my house. At first, I was about to change my mind and buy MakeOver Intense Matte Lip which is liquid matte, but the problem was, at that counter, they only had 2 shades left, and both were nudes. The thing was, I didn't really into nudes lipstick at that time, cause I loved bold more. Finally, I bought MakeOver Hi-Matte Lipstick number015 Fame Fatale. the name tho, the name is really cool and the shade is freaking beautiful. I thought I was in love at first sight with that lipstick.

     As soon as I tried this lipstick, it straight became my favorite lipstick. so here I will explain why:
     The packaging. As you guys can see from the first picture, the packaging is so sick. I mean, look at that, very simple, slim and super elegant. and the color which is black makes it even cooler. also, it easily fits into my small makeup pouch.

     The shade. Like I said before, this is bold, which the shade that I looked for at the moment. the color is like red wine I think and that's the most beautiful lipstick color for me. This lipstick is also very pigmented, at the first swatch, the color is already popping. so, I just need a few swatches to cover my lips. And not to mention that this lipstick is very long-lasting. I wore it for about almost 8 hours last time and the color still looks very beautiful.
     This lipstick has a matte finish, so it is not glossy at all. But even tho this is matte, but this lipstick doesn't really dry on lips, I feel like it still has a little bit moisturizer, it means that the lipstick is really comfortable to wear. But for a matte lipstick, it still transfers when you touch it, but that doesn't reduce the intensity of its color.

     For the price, I think it's not really expensive cause it just costs me Rp.85.000. for the quality and beautiful packaging that I get, I really think it's super worth it.

     So, that's it, guys. thank you so so much for visiting my blog. I hope yall like it and I'll see you on my other content! peace out!
     

Letter for a friend

Dear my friend


     Long time no see! How's it going up there?  Can you see me there? is it true that heaven is in up there? Are you there right now? haha so many questions, right? But I know that you won't answer those questions, because probably God told you that you have to keep those secrets. Then ok, I won't ask them anymore, so just let's move on.
     I don't know, probably I just miss you right now.  Because we've never met since that day, the day that you left all of us. I wish I can tell you everything, about what happened last year, which was a really crazy year for me. About that scary national exam,  and about where I continue my study right now. Probably you'll just say " I told you Tissa, don't study too hard, look! you don't even get a place in state university" and I'll be like "Biarlah, at least I've tried!". I wish it can really happen. I really wanna tell you that iPhone 7 has launched and finally Resident Evil final chapter has been out, remember you said that you'll watch that movie with me and our friends together?.
      And one more thing, I really wanna tell you about that day, when I wasn't even able to cry when I refused to saw you for the last time. I remember saw your girlfriend that day, she was suffering, and your mom, she looked so sad because you've gone. But I, I was just so confused at that time. I was upset with you, why you have to go so fast?! You didn't even graduate yet. You said you want to be a cop, you've even prepared everything, then you are just gone, what do you mean? are you an idiot or something?!
     But then I just realize, it wasn't even your fault. It was just... my theory is wrong as f. I thought people will go when they have nothing to do in this world anymore, when all of their businesses are done and when they don't have any kind of responsibility in this world. But I was totally wrong, people will go wherever God tells them it's time to go home. Even tho they still have something to do in their life, and that is scaring me like hell! But the bright side is, starting from that day, I know how priceless the time that I have, and I promise to myself that I'll never waste it anymore!

your friend,

Tissa


Note: I know the fact that he surly will never read this letter, but I don't care I just miss him so bad!

          If you see something ungrammatical from this letter, i'm sorry, I'm still learning  it.

My Thought series "Fboy"

Intro:
            "A real man never hurt a woman. Be very careful when you make a woman cry. Because God counts her tears. The woman came out from the man's rib, NOT from his feet to be walked on, and NOT from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved."(unknown)

As usual, let me know if I make some mistakes in grammar

     Well hello, welcome back to my other article. So before I start, I just wanna let you guys know that this article has requested by a lot of my friends. The reason is that we have seen a lot of fu*kboys around us lately. Some of them did bother us, but luckily we didn't fall into their bullshit. It's really annoying me when I saw girls cried and got hurt by those kinds of shitty boys. Unfortunately, it's really hard to tell which one is the fu*kboy and which one is the goodboy on this day. They kind of look pretty similar, because fu*kboy is really smart to cover his real personality. Hmm...It's really frustrating, right?

     So the other day, I asked some of my friends to give their own definition of fu*kboy. Why? because probably it'll make fu*kboys out there realize that they need to STOP(seriously!). ok let's check these out:

Ismi: "Fu*kboy is someone who talks a lot but never takes responsibility about what he has said"

Sahara: "Fu*kboy. He bragged about himself by pretending to have a good attitude and he, with all of his nonsense, is putting the girl to become sick physically. And the last he makes high chimera heart of a girl but eventually zero"

Ayu: "Fu*kboy? in my opinion, fu*kboy is a boy who treats every girl very well, makes those girls fall for him then he leaves without any guilty feeling toward those girls"

Rofi: "To me, fu*kboy is a boy who acts like they're the good one, but on the other side he likes to flirt to many girls and I think it's disgusting right? ewh. Fu*kboy usually thinks that he is handsome and cool. The most important thing you should know about fu*kboy is his personality, liar, player, drunk too much, smoking in front of girls, and many more. He's so confident to flirt or seduce girl than he confesses his love in only 2 weeks after knowing each other haha it's stupid, if you have a boyfriend who acts like that, please think twice before you get hurt deeper, you don't know how he acts behind you. Maybe you proud to have a handsome boyfriend but fu*kboy, for what? And if you have a boyfriend who asks you to have sex with please just go away and never meet him anymore. Cause he only wants your body for his satisfaction, what a fu*k of fu*kboy right? you better single than get a fu*kboy"

     So I think we all agree that fu*kboy, at first will be so nice to a girl than after he bored he'll treat a girl like a piece of crap for their own satisfaction. Am I right?

     I have some descriptions of the fu*kboy situation. Fu*kboy will make the girl feel comfortable, respected, lovely, he'll make that girl feels so happy(well, I don't disagree). But then he'll just be gone for no reason. it feels like he just ghosting the girl. Then the girl will start wondering "did I do something wrong? why he doesn't he text me back? where's he going?" after that she starts to cry because the next day she finds out that he just get a new girlfriend. ( WTF?!)

     And here's another description. There's a fu*kboy that actually he already has a girlfriend or what should I say gebetan in English?. But he still doesn't feel that's enough. He will still hook up with some girl without thinking about the feeling of those girls. I mean, what's inside his mind? maybe he thinks that if he can flirt & hook up with more than one girl, he will look cool and his friend will praise him cause he becomes a good player. For God's sake! No! by doing that shit, he just makes himself look like a total idiot who doesn't understand the word "respect".

     Ok, so what about my own definition about fu*kboy?for me, fuc*kboy is just a guy who doesn't respect other's feelings. Probably he thinks that feeling isn't important at all. So that's why he can play it as he wants. But the truth is, the feeling is freaking important dude! it means a lot! the feeling can affect everything in someone's life, it can affect her ability to work, her mood, her behavior, etc. So the point is if you ruin someone's feelings, that means you ruin her life! 

      But fu*kboy doesn't realize that sooner or later, people will know who he really is. And when that's happening, people will never trust him anymore, and people will cringe when they see him.  That's fair enough, isn't it?

     there are so many fu*kboys, but I know there are still good boys out there, you girls just need to be really careful!

Note: Yap that's it. This article is purely my thought and I never mean to hurt anyone. so no offend guys! And thank you so much for all my friends who have contributed to this article. I love you guys so much.